Not Your Angel

from Not Your Angel by Ruth Blake

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about

I wrote this song after a sudden and unexpected break up which I was trying to make sense of. My ex made a comment about how shocked he’d been to see my angry side, as if it made me lesser in his eyes somehow, and I felt completely betrayed, not to mention dumbstruck that he couldn’t understand that my rage was indicative of how much pain I was in. I felt as though my rage was something to be ashamed of and that just made me more angry.

The song became a way for me to really honour and embrace my rage, while shaking off outdated shackles of the 'good girl' and over-sanitised notions of femininity I've been conditioned with. I wanted to reclaim it as a sacred, vital force and say a massive ‘fuck you’ to anyone who would judge me for it. As women we have become so terrified of our anger, but having lived through a great deal of manipulation and abuse in my time, reconnecting with my anger has been fundamental on my journey towards learning where my boundaries are and how to defend them.

I subtitled the track 'Inanna's Return' as it's sung from the perspective of the oldest goddess in human history, Inanna. To me she represents the voice of the earth and the feminine principal, as well as being the voice of all women who have been defiled, debased, or violated. As a counsellor and medicine woman, I know the importance of giving voice to these feelings that can otherwise get buried and turn inward, leading to all kinds of self-sabotaging behaviours. The idea that our beauty lies only in our capacity to be angelic, beautiful and sweet is so pernicious. I want this song to provide a remedy for that toxic ideology and to empower women to embrace their own fierceness.

lyrics

I’m not your angel

I’ve got battle scars, I don’t bow to Mars

Turning the tables, I am rageful over you

You think I’m pretty

I think you’re shitty, cowardly

Dreaming of how I could tear you limb from limb

Burn away your sin, coz


I’m not your angel


I’m not your sweetness

I’m a bitter pill, I can make you ill
Caught in your own snare

I’m not coming back for you

You think you own me

I think you’re lonely

Bonily groping to close up the emptiness inside

As ugly as it’s wide, well


I’m not your angel


I’m not your saviour

You better run from me, I’ve got real sharp teeth

I’m out of patience, I’m erasing over you

You think I’m soft as, you better run fast

Your past is coming home to roost

Come come come coming home to roost

Your past is coming home to roost

Come come come coming home, coming home


I’m not your angel

You’re out of angels

credits

from Not Your Angel, track released April 4, 2023
Music and lyrics by Ruth Blake
All Vocals by Ruth Blake
Production, mixing and mastering by James Yuill at The Online Recording Studio

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Ruth Blake England, UK

Ruth’s gently evocative music is born out of her own passion for self-knowledge; driven to explore the deepest essence of her humanity and her interconnectedness with the great web of life. In her music she blends the numinous with the human, weaving hypnotic guitar riffs and tender poetry with rambunctious offbeat grooves and playful word-smithery. ... more

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